Hermosa Beach, CA -
The Associated Press reported today that a variety of calamities have befallen the Hermosa Beach Times, the official handsome-run newspaper of TNT.
According to reports, major changes are happening to the staff tasked to monitor DynaGirl's activities, with these changes reportedly happening within the next two hours, whenever they get back from the bowling practice facility. Sign-off on the staffing change was given at the 11th hour last night by Coach Hackosaur via the flexible spending form approval necessary to ensure there would be no tax chicanery. This is the first major staffing change on DynaGirl's team, and highlights one of the main inefficiencies at the HBT, mainly that the reporter in charge of weekly news is also in charge of making staffing changes.
This news comes on the heels of the HBT reporting team's visit this week to San Francisco to investigate the attempted murder of Back Door Santa heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons. Early this week, Powderkeg was viciously attacked by what police are describing as a probable scorned lover. Currently the authorities have limited suspects to 4.5 billion women worldwide, so the investigation could take some time.
In other BDS news, team wife Ashley Lyons continues her 'silent strike' until BDS wins the spring championship. Witnesses at the Rainbow Room this past weekend described in harrowing detail how Ashley Lyons refused to talk the entire night, or even answer questions directed towards her, or like even drink or anything, in an effort to inspire BDS to bring home another trophy.
Finally this week, ESPNBDS reports that Back Door Santa needs a sweep tonight to stay in contention for next week's position night, which should be easy considering how inconsistently consistent team weak link Dynamite Chris Parish has been this season. Bowling analysts are confident that he'll have another good week following his record-breaking performance last week, which in no way came out of nowhere.
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