Powderkeg Hires Famed Sports Psychologist

Sports Psychologist Cobra "Kai" Tabon with one of his students

Santa Monica, CA -

In an effort to overcome his poor play this season, Back Door Santa heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons has hired famed Florida-based sports psychologist Cobra "Kai" Tabon to consult him for the remainder of the TNT season.

Witnesses reported Cobra arriving in Los Angeles last week to begin grueling sessions with Powderkeg in an effort to rid PK of a serious case of what analysts call "The Goblins."

"It's clear that Powderkeg is suffering from The Goblins every time he steps up to the lane," said ESPNBDS' John Clayton this morning on First Take People Yelling. "That's when, instead of throwing a perfectly accurate ball, you instead want to kill yourself and curse God for letting something so awful exist on earth."

Cobra Kai is known throughout sports circles as the best in the business, able to use his tried and true methods of guilacity and Gutter Juice pacing to help even the most mentally unstable bowlers overcome cerebral hurdles, such as The Goblins.

Gutter Juice, a 750-proof energy beverage powered by the rings of Saturn, is a a potent mixture of PowderBull, absinthe, and guile. It clears the mind and heightens the nasal senses, specifically mahogany-detection. It is also the most addictive substance on the planet, packed with a male pheromone so powerful that any female within 400 yards becomes instantly pregnant with triplets.

Some skeptics have wondered if Cobra Kai's training will have any effect on Powderkeg, as it's well known that it's been less than a year since Powderkeg was sent to rehab after a week-long Gutter Juice bender the last time Cobra Kai was in town. However, it was determined by the other members of BDS that it was their last chance to harness the old Powderkeg in time to make a championship run this season. Also, Cobra promised to stay the fuck away from Dyangirl.

The last remaining hurdle in Powderkeg's treatment is that Cobra typically schedules his therapy sessions with clients on Tuesdays, but that would result in two social events in the same week for Powderkeg, which I mean is just crazy, even for a selfish bastard.

In other BDS news, official team daughter Dynagirl looks to head back to the training lanes of Yo Hacka Hacka this weekend after a ten day illnes. Doctors reported that the heightened fussiness were the result of a 104 fever, a sure sign of cerebral cuban hotbox.