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| Fig 1 |
In his weekly press conference with the Society of Ancient Medicine Discoverers, BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris announced that the powerful antibiotic synthesized by Hackosaur was actually developed by his ancestors thousands of years ago.
"Hackcidil is the most powerful drug on the planet," said Hacksaw. "It's done wonders for Hackawife, and I want to thank Hackosaur for filling the void where modern experts failed. However, recent evidence suggests that Hackosaur was not developing Hackcidil from scientific testing, but rather from ancient blueprints buried in his own DNA."
According to the Associated Press, sometime during the 2nd and 3rd game of the first week of TNT in January, BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon went to check the time on his watch, simultaneously giving a casual glance towards Egypt, where he noticed ancient cave drawings buried 3 miles below the earth's surface. The drawings were quickly excavated and delivered to the Hermosa Beach estate of BDS, where Dynagirl had been studying ancient medicine synthesis in lieu of potty training.
According to Dynagirl's analysis, a prehistoric descendent of the Hacksaw family line, named Whiskers Hackopatra, identified the healing powers in the lead compound used to make Egyptian mailboxes. Limited to the primitive tools of the time, Whiskers grabbed an ancient saw and began cutting and cutting the lead compound until its molecular structure was broken down into microscopic bacteria-fighting organisms. The organisms where then brought to the town rabbit (see Fig 1, top left) who molded the organisms into a wooden plank. The rabbit then continued cutting them until they had reached maximum anger, ready to attack the world and any liver-fighting virus inhabiting it. The molecular structure of the Hackcidil was verified by the town raccoon, although parts of that evidence have been damaged over time and are thus off frame.
The results of Dynagirl's investigation were recently published by British author and Hacksaw family genealogist Richard Scarry in his book "What Do People Do All Day: If They Are Hacksaws, They Make Hackcidil."
"According to Dynagirl, Hackosaur didn't invent Hackcidil as much as he remembered how to make it, as the recipe has been ingrained in his DNA and the DNA of my family for thousands of years," Hacksaw continued. "Not the first time he was alive, but after I produced him with a combination of ancient Hacksaw DNA and guile. In conclusion, I'd like to thank myself for the improvement of my wife's condition, and I expect that after her full recovery, she'll want to have a long discussion about the time my niece Dynagirl found evidence of her medicine in ancient cave drawings discovered by my bowling captain while casually glancing eastward from Santa Monica."
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