#OccupadoHacksaw Cripples Spain

Madrid, Espana -

The Spanish government has been scrambling this week to prevent a complete economic collapse as its entire worker base flooded the streets of Madrid for a protest known as #OccupadoHacksaw.

According to the Associated Press, the citizens of Spain have reached their limit with the bumbling government, and vow to protest until their country is purchased by BDS team ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris, noted philanthropist, multi-quadrillionaire, and majority owner of Europe.

"Nosotros no les gustan los leaders de Espana!", chanted the protestors. "Queremos El Guapo Hacksaw y su dinosaur de DNA viejo y guile, Hackosaur!"

The protestors have been unanimous in their belief that Spain should have been part of the recent deal wherein Hacksaw shrewdly sold Mars to Europe for parts of Finland, both Irelands, and 6 of the 31 counties in Portugal. Support in the current government has waned even further the last two weeks, as the Spanish citizens have been glued to their television sets watching Hacksaw's recent TNT-wide tear on ESPN Deportes.

Sources told CNN that in light of the recent events, Hacksaw commissioned his consigliere Hackosaur to fly to Spain aboard Johnnie Skymaster to begin scoping out a possible purchase plan. During the 3 minute flight, Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on trans-atlantic calculations, drew up the contracts of 14,385 unique deals to be presented to the current Spanish government in hopes that one of them might spark their interest.

"I've always admired the Spanish people for their culture as well as the fine rosewood used in most Hispanic bowling lanes," said Hacksaw to CNN. "Unlike those dirty hippies protesting Wall Street, I sympathize with the Spanish citizens, who just want more. I know their pain, for I alone am the sole man on earth who will never delight in being purchased by myself."

Hacksaw, an avid fisherman, has reportedly been holed up at Haüksaüw preparing for November 5th's Hacktoberfest, but found time to meet with his legal counsel, First Captain Kevin Meister, to peruse Hacksaw's vast portfolio of assets in order to determine what he might sell off in order to raise the funds to purchase Spain. Meister released a statement to the AP addressing the issue.

"Now I'm not a big-city lawyer," said Meister. "But it seeems to meeee ... we can go this way or that way. Up or down. Left or center. But when the people of the great nation of Spain - a country rich in the tradition of loving the sun - are looking for a strong and skilled leader, and you already own the sun, then by gosh you might want to take a look."

Analysts at Goldman Sachs told CNBC that Hacksaw could potentially finance the purchase of Spain by selling off Saturn, a property of which Hacksaw has long found tiresome. While it was a fine novelty purchase, it lacks the resources of most of Hacksaw's properties, not to mention the impractical 19 minute round trip travel time spend aboard Johnnie Skymaster in order to get to Saturn. Goldman Sachs hinted that Hacksaw could pull a shrewd move by selling Saturn to Spain at a profit, and then shutting off all sunlight directed to Saturn by the sun, thus rendering Saturn of little value to anyone. Thusly, Hacksaw could then re-purchase Saturn from the former leaders of Spain at well below market cost.