Santa Monica, CA
Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on fraudulent bowling financial transactions, has launched an investigation into the whereabouts of a missing $10 from one of TNT's bowlers.
Last week, the unidentified bowler, identified as "Bill S", initiated the investigation by having his lawyers draft a grammatically-superior email and then hitting "reply all" to another email that had absolutely nothing to do with this. The savvy move attracted the attention of the entire league who had been reading about league cancellations but were ultimately more interested in knowing where the hell this $10 was.
"I hope Hackosaur can get to the bottom of this," said BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon. "I think the money was stolen, or possibly is still there, or is maybe owed - it was tough for a non-phD such as myself to sort through the legalese of the email. The point is, there's a big difference of your total league fee contribution being -$400 or -$390, and this could happen to anyone."
The case has garnered league-wide support for the precocious Bill S, a well-loved league member who entertains all with his popular "Grab the Hacksaw even though I fucking told you to keep your god damn thieving hands off of it" move each league week, forgetting that he did it ever week prior.
"I love that move," said TNT ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris. "A lot of times I joke around and say 'I'm not kidding, get the fuck away from me' and people think I'm serious. It takes a real student of comedy to understand that I'm joking and I love nothing more than when people ignore my requests and get their fucking stink all over my shit. Most people are too busy contributing to society to understand my sense of humor."
In other BDS news, team ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris, an avid fisherman, has backed up his words by donating $17 billion dollars to Hackosaur's investigation of the missing $10.
"That's two bottles of Early Time whiskey," said BDS heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons. "It doesn't take much guile to figure out that we need to get to the bottom of this. Although if it did take a lot of guile, I could still figure it out because of my excessive guilification."
No comments:
Post a Comment