As a token of appreciation for her dedicated training during the first year of her life, BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris has given a grant of $40 trillion to Mahogany State University in the name of his most gifted protege, Dynagirl.
Founded in 1420, Mahogany State University was originally called Universidad De Afonso Goncalves Baldaia, named after the famous Portuguese explorer who spent much of the 15th century searching the African coast for the finest mahogany the world had to offer at the time. Most historians suggest that Baldaia constructed the first modern bowling lanes in Cape Bojador, the physical barrier which European sailors had long considered the non plus ultra of navigation. Baldaia, however, found the prospect of African mahogany too enticing to ignore.
Anyway so Universidad De Afonso Goncalves Baldaia was located in Portugal until 2011, when Hacksaw purchased 6 of the 29 counties in Portugal and had it shipped over to its current location, Century City.
Magohany State is led by its dean, Sir Dynamite Chris Parish, who directs the world's largest research facility dedicated to mahogany identification. The 40 million square foot laboratory houses samples of all 80,000 known genus of mahogany throughout the world, keeping detailed logs of the performance, viscosity, and nuances of the hardy wood.
"I would like to thank the honorable Hacksaw for this generous donation," said Dean Sir Dynamite Chris Parish. "This injection of funding will help us further our research into the environmental and socioeconomic ramifications of mahoganical biostructure. I would also like to thank my daughter Dynagirl for being a dedicated student of the game, constantly crying the last month whenever I wouldn't let her train aboard Yo Hacka Hacka."
Sir Dynamite then detailed his intentions for the funding, unveiling plans for a $75,000 Hackpad app aimed to provide bowlers with real-time mahogany detection abilities.
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