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| Coach Papa shows Dynamite how many of his legs are currently not broken |
ESPNBDS viewers watched in horror as the week 1 schedule was released, realizing that Dynamite would be facing himself in what may prove to be the most guiliest showdown in sports history.
To recap, Dynamite was drafted in the first round by mercurial Italian quadrillionare and owner of The Home Wreckers - Jayson Costello Papa, the second richest man on earth, according to Forbes magazine. Together with the world's richest man, BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris, they own 97% of the world's assets along with 87% of the solar system.
Unfortunately for Dynamite, he'll be playing for The Home Wreckers tonight against his own team, UCLA Yankee Cola.
"I could have avoided this by drafting myself," said Dynamite. "But I don't have the cap space and UCLA Yankee Cola can't afford the luxury tax. I'm an expensive player, but I need the money to pay all the fines I will surely face in the event of a poor performance. But if I put on a good performance, then I hurt my own team's standings and a shot at the $598 quintillion prize Hacksaw fronted for the league."
According to sources, JC Papa ordered Dynamite to sleep all day Thursday in order to rest up for the match, while at the same time keeping him up all night by sending veiled threats through an intermediary, reportedly Dynamite's own daughter Dyangirl. It was reported that Dynagirl was up from 11pm until 3am screaming due to 'teething', which according to Hackapedia is Italian for "you're going to have broken legs if you don't bowl well tonight."
Making things even more difficult for Dynamite is that his financial well-being is at risk in that all players on The Home Wreckers are charged 110% of their weekly salary in order to cover various expenses and miscellaneous fees incurred by JC Papa.
"Due to the vagaries of salary, vis a vis changes in the economic climate and trans-demographic changes in audience structure, it was imperative that I implement a modern cost structure in order to cover the vast expenses of owning a team," said Papa in a written statement. "There's the right way, the wrong way, and the JC Papa way."
In other news, BDS wife DynaWife decided to sub tonight in place of BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon after she enjoyed a productive lunch on Wednesday with Dynamite, Hacksaw, and Powderkeg.
"She has a flight on Friday, but she's in town Thursday, so obviously she could make time for bowling, as a way to show her dedication," said Hacksaw. "We had to iron out a few details, most importantly the Powderkeg Fertilization clause, so she wouldn't end up driving home for two, if you know what I'm saying."
"I'm talking about, Powderkeg's not allowed to knock her up," Hacksaw reiterated.
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