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| The New VP of Something Something |
In an effort to free up more time for the championship stretch, BDS Captain my Captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon has demoted himself to VP of Project Management for Back Door Santa, temporarily relinquishing the duties that come along with being The Captain.
"I realized that I was spending more time being The Captain and less time focusing on winning," said Tabon. "There's all kinds of red tape that come along with being The Captain, and I haven't even made any pizza pies this season."
The demotion comes at crucial time for Back Door Santa, as they go head to head tonight with first place Big Ern in what may be a championship preview.
"I mean look, I'm not even getting paid $2,000 to use a calculator for six minutes a week," VPCT continued. "I've worked for free and tried to push through a bunch of rule changes that would bring about more exciting competition to the league, but they're constantly shut down because they would benefit everyone instead of one asshole. So it's time to take on less responsibility and focus more on the mahogany."
As part of his new light duties, the VP will help BDS navigate a poisonous bowling environment, one in which everyone is getting ripped off, the lanes are complete piles of shit, and the rules never change unless it helps a league exec make up for his shitty handicap from the season before.
"I full expect a BDS championship, it's been too long," said the Veep. "We have DynaTyke coming in February, and the last thing I want is a cross to the chops because we brought him into a championship-free world."
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