Hackosaur Named 2012 Sportsman of the Year

Santa Monica, CA -

In what has been a super-crazy busy slow news week, Sports Illustrated magazine announced today that Back Door Santa coach Hackosaur was their 2012 Sportsman of the Year.

After quitting in September 2011 due to what he perceived as a "lack of heart" from BDS, Hackosaur triumphantly returned for the 2012 TNT Winter season and led Back Door Santa to the most historic non-Cuban ass kicking in bowling history.

"He earned every bit of this award," said former BDS arch-enemy and current low-paid Sports Illustrated intern Ravi McLiarstein. "The team was in a bad place last year, and for the first time the rampant cheating and advanced corruption of El Presidente was starting to wear on them. Hackosaur felt like he needed a break and took some time to focus on helping Hacksaw purchase Christmas."

Bowling analysts were quick to applaud the award, as Hackosaur is perceived to be the primary reason the handsome fellows in BDS were able to overcome adversity to blaze through the plebian TNT schedule. Bowling Prospectus noted that the overall team GARP (guile over replacement player) for Back Door Santa went up an astonishing 8 billion percent.

The state-run newspaper of Cuba, Corruption Enthusiast, released a statement after receiving word of Hackosaur's achievement:

"We congratulate Hackosaur and the entire Back Door Santa team for their second-place finish in the 2012 season, as they came closer than ever before to catching El Presidente and his noble team of winners. By finishing a mere 60 points behind El Presidente, it is the highest non-El Presidente finish in TNT history. We here at Corruption Enthusiast also applaud the good sportsmanship of Back Door Santa for realizing that the final numbers at the end of this season will be under review of course, as the winner can truly only be determined once El Presidente asserts his special math, a math that is full of fairness and can only be understood and comprehended by the likes of El Presidente, the most fair and righteous of all bowling el presidentes. To reiterate, we congratulate El Presidente and this most honorable of announcements from Sports Illustrated magazine."