Report: Mayans Predicted 2012 BDS Championship

Bogotá, Colombia,

Researchers at the University of Bogotá have uncovered an ancient Mayan document that predicts a championship for "a bold and handsome group of champions named Pwdrkg, Shtby, Dynmte, Hcksw."

While many modern scholars have discussed an alleged Mayan prediction that the world will end in 2012, Colombian scientists have repeatedly refuted those claims, citing an erroneous semicolon in the Mayan writings that once removed, changes the predictions entirely.

Using advanced carbon-14 dating and analyzing the bone structure of bodies found in Mayan tombs, the University of Bogotá was able to determine that the Mayan hand was physically unable to produce a semicolon, and instead theorize that the symbol used was some sort of ancient Mayan 'emoticon'.

"Hola, como estás," said Professor Juan Carlos De Las Calcetines of the University of Bogotá. "We have new evidence that shows the Mayans predicted a bowling championship of historic proportions in the year 2012 AD. Entonces, if you read their writings without inferring a semi-colon, the Mayans are not predicting the end of the world. Rather, they are predicting the end of the reign of the one they call 'El Diablo del Presidente'. Obviously, it makes a lot more sense that a spiritual people such as the Mayans would predict something of this nature. Graciás."

According to the study, this handsome bowling team would be led on a journey of championshipness by a mythical creature they called Hackosaur. Legend has it that the Mayans discovered prehistoric artifacts in the limestone of Usumacinta of an other-wordly being, one of "great guile and aeronautical ability", though at the time the Mayans had not the technology to know what the aero part of that word meant. One day far into the future, after many suns, the Mayans predicted that an avid fisherman would possess the guile and financial resources to resurrect the mythical Hackosaur and harness his guile and real estate acumen to finally defeat the ferocious and unjust El Diablo Del Presidente.

"The Mayans were very accurate in their predictions," continued Professor De Las Calcetines. "They said that the cost of bringing Hackosaur back to life would be more than three cows."

The writings continued to say that this Diablo could be found on an island called Kooba, located somewhere southwest of Mee-a-mee, an ancient city which the Mayans theorized would be the birthplace of cock-a-roaches and shirts of low quality. El Diablo would finally be conquered when one of the handsome bowlers entered what the Mayans called "La Zona De Construccion" - the same method used by the ancient peoples to build their ancient buildings. Once the conqueration was complete, the mythical Hackosaur would call to the heavens using the standard Mayan expression of success: HAYO.