Investors were reeling this week after the highly anticipated BayShore Lanes initial public offering not only failed to deliver, but fell 50% below its initial $38 offering after a day of trading.
Market investors rushed to dump BayShore shares as Morningstar downgraded its rating to "Z minus minus", culminating in one of the biggest IPO disasters in Wall Street history.
The initial offering started swimmingly on Thursday as the price soared above $10 million/share based on that day's performance of Back Door Santa, known to be the most valuable asset in the Bayshore engine. However, at roughly 9:30pm, Bayshore was infiltrated by a nefarious unknown assailant, known on Wall Street as "The Wet Blanket." Initially identified as an accomplice to the corrupt El Presidente, it was later determined that no amount of corruption would cause a handsome despot to associate with people who are fucking awful.
According to eye witnesses, members of the Bayshore board of directors convened in the lounge shortly after the end of that week's bowling matches; as the board members typically enjoy each other's company, as well as are Americans and thus can choose with whom to spend time and on whom to spend money, and thus made the decision - as was their right as Americans - to enjoy some festivities by invitation only. Things were going according to plan until as is often the case, someone had to fucking ruin it because fuck you, that's why. But I'm sure this week it will be all Hey buy me shots haha I'm fun right? Yeah I'm fun buy me shots that's what you do right you're the guy who buys everyone shots hey why are you talking to her. There is not one god damn ounce of self-awareness anywhere in my brain.
So anyway like, so Bayshore had an IPO - but around 9:32pm, word got back to investors on Wall Street about the nefarious Wet Blanket, known for destroying a company's value from the inside in a matter of seconds.
"Typically, investors are scared off when there is an indication that a company lacks the strength to maintain long-term profits," said Jim Cramer of CNBC's analysis show 'Cocaine Cowboys'. "Often times even the strongest company cannot survive when infiltrated by a rogue plague - in this case, someone who's idea of a good time is a night in the Cuban hotbox."
In other news, this reporter just got pissed off thinking about this whole incident, and is going to take some time in the English hotbox to prepare for tonight's match HAYOOOOOOO
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