Report: Dynamite stuck in Cuban hotbox

Parts unknown - Our handsome leader of all things newsworthy has been kidnapped. He was able to escape anonymous nefarious clutches just long enough to post the usual good luck news story. He sent a telegram from some sort of Cuban hotbox that is planning to travel to Bayshore Lanes tonight. All hail the fair and non-kidnapper El Presidente. HAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO