According to sources, Lyons has been taking the advice of his personal sports psychologist, The Badger, and limiting his social endeavors to once per month in order to focus on changing the pesky bad habits he's formed in 37 years of literally everyone on earth enjoying his handsome presence regardless of the situation.
ESPN reported that the remaining members of BDS met at Plan B this week to discuss a fall back plan should Powderkeg be unable to participate in league games for three more weeks. It comes at a harrowing time for team change, considering the boys in BDS have always looked forward to the fall season, the greatest of seasons. Unfortunately, it seems as though the normally strong-willed Powderkeg, who pays for everything all the time with all of his friends and everyone else and lives in the United States of America, is powerless to stop the latest developments.
"The weekly wrap-ups at Plan B have been an integral part of BDS' success, and I should know because I've been there several times with the team, including the time I brought my wife's brother," said team weak link Dynamite Chris Parish, who has a wife and a daughter. "One of the most important moments in BDS history was the time we were at Plan B and Hacksaw casually mentioned that he had put in a bid on the sun. We couldn't believe it! Not that he was purchasing the sun, but that Hacksaw was at Plan B even though he's also married."
TMZ showed footage this week of BDS captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon being consoled by supermodels as he struggled to figure out what he's going to do after bowling, now that he no longer has a good friend of his able to go to Plan B with him.
"He's really upset, I'm doing everything I can, but at some point I have no more clothes left to remove," said Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marissa Miller-Tabon. "Sometimes the most important thing for my boo is knowing he can give his all in that third game because shortly thereafter he'll be at Plan B with Powderkeg banging a ton of random chicks all night. I think they call it "caesar salad" but it's definitely a euphemism for banging a ton of sluts. That's what you do at Plan B, even if your girlfriend is hot and you like her and have made that quite clear on numerous occasions, and evidence points to you not being the axis of evil."
In other news, team ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris was in New York this week for the Men's Health Awards, where he picked up a trophy for the 2012 Top Healthy Innovation, the 2x4 sandwich.
The tasty sandwich is comprised of two one pound llama patties, four two pound beef patties, applewood-smoked bacon, mayo, garlic aioli, smoked apple bacon, gouda cheese, Miracle Whip, Canadian bacon, a pork chop, potato salad, organic arugula, Jimmy Dean's sausage, sausage gravy, and light balsamic dressing piled onto a 1/4 pound buttermilk biscuit.
"We've gotten a lot of feedback from our customers at the Hay-O Clinic that they appreciate the 1/4 pound buttermilk biscuit in lieu of bread," said Hacksaw. "A biscuit does a better job of soaking up the dripping from the 3 kinds of vitamin-packed bacon. A lot of entries this year tried to needlessly fill the sandwich with ranch dressing and other empty calories, but that's now how we do things at Hay-O."
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