TNT resident fertilizer and Hacksaw Inc independent arbitrator Codi "Papas Fritas" Harris announced this week that he had approved the first move of 20HT, the sale of Minnesota to Canada.
The move was expected after BDS weak link Dynamite Chris Parish was unable to overcome a debilitating case of Minnesota Fever that he had brought back from the northern wasteland, and as a result Back Door Santa lost 3 out of 4 points last week.
"As you know, any and all moves made this year must be approved by me," said Papas Fritas at today's press conference. "My office has been inundated with requests, many of them for simple bathroom breaks, from all across the land. Dynagirl and I have been working day and night to organize the requests, but we knew that our first priority had to be addressing the need to get rid of Minnesota."
According to Hackapedia, Minnesota was founded in 1846 by Gobby Goblinstein, a nefarious ne'r do well who was banished from the United States by then President James K. Hack. At the time, the land was deemed unuseful by the American government due to its lack of fertile soil necessary to cultivate mahogany and textiles, and therefore became a de facto open air prison for all of America's undesireables.
As part of the deal, the former US state of Minnesota will become the 11th providence of Canada and re-named Canada Heights. The residents of Canada Heights celebrated this morning with their tradition of driving 5 miles under the speed limit in all three lanes on the highway while rocking out to Crash Test Dummies.
To thank Papas Fritas for his hard work, BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris, an avid fisherman and also owner of this year, Thursdays, Christmas, and American history, bequeathed unto Fritas the world's first bowling ball made of pure soconium ore. The ball weighs 64,000 pounds and is so volatile that even a change of 0.00000054% in wind MPH would result in an explosion so powerful that it would render the known universe completely lifeless. Fritas plans to debut the new ball in league play tonight.
"I had 9 nanoseconds this morning, so in my Hackpad I calculated every single move or motion Papas Fritas has ever made since the exact second he was born, and built the ball to those exact specifications," said Hacksaw. "The bowling ball is fully inert as long as Papas Fritas is the one bowling it. However, if anyone else so much touches it, it will mess up the entire equilibrium of the soconium and their hands will burn with the fire of 16 quadrillion suns. Other side effects include nausea and homicidal mood swings."
And finally this week, BDS captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon told ESPNBDS that he was looking forward to seeing a Dynamite tonight "full of his usual whimsy" because "it's a fucking drag when you're watching him leave ten open frames and he can't even throw the fucking Hacksaw correctly."
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