Dynamite Tests Positive for StegaMAXXX, Is Reinstated

DynaGirl demonstrates the hallucinogenic effects of StegaMAXXX

Santa Monica, CA -

ESPNBDS reported this morning that Back Door Santa weak link Dynamite Chris Parish had tested positive for the PED StegaMAXXX, and as a result his 50-game ban was reversed and he re-joined the team.

Last Friday, during a routine drug test, Dynamite tested negative for the stegosaurus antler spray developed by BDS heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons, and as a result was banned by BDS for 50 games, the standard penalty for a first offense.

Dynamite immediately appealed the decision, stating that he was confused by the label on the bottle and did not realize he needed to take StegaMAXX every hour in order to keep traces of it in his urine.

"The label is written in steggish, which is the ancient language of the Jurassic-era dinosaurs," said BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon. "Dynamite has studied steggish at length, but admits that it often takes away from his true love, mahogany identification."

"This is partly my fault, maybe," said Powderkeg. "I tried calling the labeling company when I was back in the Jurassic era, suggesting maybe we use English on the labels instead of steggish, but unfortunately the cell reception 4 million years ago was terrible."

Dynamite hired famed steggish historian Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on prehistoric communication, to represent him during his appeal. The duo then traveled to NYC to plead their case in front of The Honorable Hackosaur, the presiding arbitrator. After an intense 4 femtoseconds of debate, Judge Hackosaur realized that Hackosaur had an airtight case, and ordered that Dynamite be re-tested immediately.

"I'm embarrassed - I feel like I let the team down," said Dynamite. "Not as much as, say, every single game I've bowled this season."

The reinstatement of Dynamite is rurored to be bittersweet for the rest of Back Door Santa. On one hand, they have high hopes that StegaMAXXX can help even the shittiest of bowlers. On the other hand, sources say that the team was really looking forward to not having to pretend that Dynamite could eventually turn this thing around, because holy fuck it's unbelievable.

Reporters surrounded Powderkeg after the case and asked him if he thought that while Dynamite has been atrocious, it was actually a ruse to build a high handicap for the stretch run, as well as continue to enjoy the sweet sweet nectar of each puff from his StegaMAXXX inhaler.

"Next question," replied Powderkeg.