Powderkeg Invents Stegosaurus Antler Spray

Available for $64MM/oz

Santa Monica, CA -

ESPNBDS reported early Wednesday that the reason BDS heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons missed bowling last week was because he had traveled back in time to the Jurassic era to collect the necessary ingredients for his latest creation, a Stegosaurus antler spray called StegaMaXXX.

According to TNT league sources, tensions on Back Door Santa had come to a head after BDS weak link Dynamite Chris Parish shit the bed for a record 5th week in a row. As a result, Powderkeg was sent 4 million years back in time along with Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on extinct cuticle hormones.

"It's been unbelievable," said BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon. "I mean, it's literally like Dynamite has never fucking bowled before. Hacksaw asked him last week, 'Well what do you normally look at when you throw the ball' and he had no fucking idea. Dude this is your 9th season, what the fuck. HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER HOW TO FUCKING BOWL YOU FUCKING FUCK."

Hackosaur was dispatched back to the Hacksaw, Inc labs to try and calculate the substances needed to invent a supplement powerful enough to overcome Dynamite's bed shitting. After a grueling 4.3 pectoseconds of number crunching on his Hackpad, Hackosaur determined that there has only been one substance in the history of earth adequate enough to overcome Dynamite's calamity - the late spring seasonal spinal pheremones of the greatest hermivorous quadruped in the history of the world.

According to Hackapedia, the Stegosaurus consisted on a diet mainly of low-lying bushes and shrubs, and because if its low brain-to-body mass ratio, was easily charmed by handsomeness and guile. Thus, it was determined that only Powderkeg had the intangibles necessary to travel back in time and gather the necessary ingredients for StegaMaXXX without changing the course of the history of mankind.

According to surveillance heiroglyphics recently discovered in Egypt, legend tells of man of 'great chiseled heart and groin' who landed in the middle of the desert and seduced an angry Stegosaurus herd with rapturous dancing and a discount double check. He then methodically collected the velvety covering of the third torsal back antler of each stegosaurus, leaving but with a kiss and a promise for a morning phone call that never came, as phones had not been invented at the time.

After returning to 20HT, Powderkeg retreated to the Hacksaw, Inc labs to begin development on StegaMaXXX. According to a recently filed FDA document, one ounce StegaMaXXX contains over 40 trillion milligrams of stegosaurus antler pheremone, allowing a user of the spray to keep his or her own accuracy within .000004% of median tendency. Initial estimates price an ounce of StegaMaXXX at $64,000,000.

"It's my greatest creation, even more than my damn weiner kids," said Powderkeg. "Something had to be done. We all laugh and joke because he bought the original Hacksaw and he can really cook a mean rack of ribs, but we should fucking fire him. Before we got to that point, I thought maybe it might be easier to exhaust all other options, including traveling back in time to the Jurassic period to harvest the velvet of an ancient and extinct animal in order to use its power solely to marginally increase the efficiency of a member of an amateur bowling league."