Santa Monica, CA – The magical season of Back Door Santa continued last week in grand fashion when they swept Ace in the Hole, led by the magnanimous and respected “El Presidente” Rue Meade. While Back Door Santa celebrated their triumph on the lanes, the “official” results have yet to be posted and they are graciously looking forward to being swept by El Presidente.
“To be fair, I did bowl over 200 for the first time in league competition last week, but I also was not aware of the ‘special circumstances’ rule book. So, my 202 will most likely end up being a 95 with handicap”, said bowling phenom, Nick “Powderkeg” Lyons. “I have had a chance to look over these rules and the deductions seem a tad harsh. -100 for being recklessly handsome, -25 for having sparkling blue eyes, the list goes on. Who I feel the worse for is Hacksaw [ John Serris ]. He was hit the hardest by these sanctions. –200 for carrying a foam replica of Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s famed hacksaw. I don’t know, but it seems as if these special rules are targeting BDS. How was Shot Boy [ Clint Tabon ] supposed to know that having tigerblood AND Adonis-DNA would net him a total over 300 pins in deductions.”
Upon hearing of these new deductions, BDS spokesman, entrepreneur, all-pro athlete and dangerously handsome Dynamite Chris Parish, took his case to the TNT bowling commission. Despite many requests by League Secretary Tony “The Scout Master” Cortese to have Dynamite take his shirt off “in order to have his case heard properly”, Chris was able to plead Back Door Santa’s case. It was only due to the actions of the despot of the TNT league, El Presidente, that Dynamite’s eloquent appeal was denied.
ESPN Analyst John Clayton reported live from the hearing and was able to quote Dynamite as he left the proceedings, followed by throngs of women all claiming to be carrying his child. “Being handsome, I understand what it means to be constantly harassed and questioned about being a winner, as well as my flowing locks of hair. I take it in stride, but when a corrupt, indignant terrorist erases another BDS dominating performance from the official records, that is when I have to step in and defend freedom. El Presidente is a cancer on this fair league! He is the cancer and I am the… uh… what cures cancer?”
This post is dumb, hitler, what corruption? hitler, El Presidente is a fair and balanced leader, hitler, he is without a doubt unbiased, hitler, thought provoking, hitler, and next to the Rock the most electrifying chairman since Lee Iacoca(sp), hitler. So please, hitler, do yourself a favor and fact check your stories before you start spreading rumors and lies about league officials. hitler.
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P.S. I godwin'ed the fuck out of this comment thread, and I'll do the same to you if you step up fool.