Santa Monica, CA - The Pulitzer Board announced this week that Dynamite Chris Parish, the chief correspondent for the Backdoor Santa Blog, has won the 2011 Pulitzer Prize for those journalists who have shown outstanding achievement in the field of seriousness through their reporting.
"It is with great accolade that we award this serious award, the 2011 Pulitzer Prize for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Seriousness to Dynamite Chris Parish, editor-in-chief of the Backdoor Santa blog. Throughout the life of his reporting, Mr. Dynamite has seriously shown a tendency to focus on seriousness and eschew the humorous tendencies of typical bowling-type blogs. It's refreshing for us here at the Pulitzer Board to fire up our computers and indulge ourselves in the type of factually-based serious reporting that we've come to expect from the BDS blog. We appreciate that his commentary never lowers itself to make jokes regarding historical events, such as the Watergate scandal, which was barely the most well-known political scandal in American history."
"I want to thank the Pulitzer Board for finally recognizing my achievement in the field of seriousness," said Dynamite. "One might argue that it's irresponsible journalism to expect the average American to know trivial facts about trivial American historical events, such as the events that led to the only Presidential resignation in American history. I think it was Eisenhower or something. I can't be sure, because I've never read any newspaper ever or even turned on the television set, where potentially 40% of television shows in the last thirty years have made a reference to key pieces of information about that scandal. Not on my watch, and not in my blog."
It was quite an awardly week for Dynamite, who was also honored by the Society of Mothers Ignoring Laughter and Enjoyment (SMILE) for writing the only publication in the United States that must be taken 100% seriously. SMILE highlighted several blog posts which proved that everything in his blog should be taken seriously, including:
The one where his teammate Hacksaw synthesized a fucking dinosaur
The one where said dinosaur flew an airplane from Los Angeles to Cuba in four seconds to drop a case of Southern Comfort into the wilderness of Cuba, and this case of liquor somehow helped Shot Boy escape the wrath of El Presidente, a 24 year old Santa Monica resident who is also the head of Cuba
The one where Hacksaw spent billions of dollars to build an airplane named Yo Hacka Hacka that would serve as a bowling training facility for a zero year old girl. Also, her trainer is a dinosaur who can fly an airplane, and she bowled a 299 game.
The one where Hacksaw purchased Saturn, a planet 764 times the size of earth, and put it on display at one of his properties.
The one where Back Door Santa flew to the White House and watched one of their matches with President Obama
The one where Powderkeg and Brandon "Hally" Irons started a clothing company selling $80,000 pants
In other BDS news, I mean hell that's a pretty big week for BDS.
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