they had signed 2011 TNT Fall League Champions Back Door Santa as the officiants for their annual Christmas tree lighting at 30 Rockefeller Center in New York City.
"We are honored to have the handsome lads in BDS join us during this wonderful ceremony, as I know their schedule will be quite busy after winning their third championship," said NBC news anchor Brian Williams. "I also appreciate BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris for extending the olive branch to me - I can finally leave the house without fear."
According to sources, Hacksaw made it his top priority during the offseason to settle his feud with Brian Williams. He dispatched his most trusted advisor Hackosaur - the world's foremost expert on hostile TV personality negotiations - to New York City via Johnnie Skymaster in order to pick up Williams and take him to a meeting with Hacksaw aboard Hack-a-Whirl. While the two former combatants discussed a truce, the 300-foot helicopter hovered above Los Angeles and hosted the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards. According to reports, the award ceremony was abruptly ended after five minutes when Hacksaw realized that they're fucking retarded and promptly ordered everyone associated with the awards off Hack-A-Whirl mid-air.
Once the truce was signed, Hacksaw showed his gratitude by giving Williams a tour of his 75,000-acre brewery, Haüksaüw. Williams was treated to a pint from the latest batch of Back Door Ale, which Williams reportedly said "made every other beverage ever taste like the rotten piss of a thousand dead rhinos."
In preparation for next month's Hacktoberfest, Hacksaw revealed the latest addition to Haüksaüw, a specialty cheese factory. The 20,000,000 square foot building, the opportunely-named Hackamook, has 7 trillion dairy cows, three cheese culture tanks, a thirty-story arcade room, an IMAX theater, a space shuttle landing pad, a dairy molecular research laboratory, and 14 bowling lanes built to Hacksaw's exact specifications. Hackamook is capable of producing 17 metric tons of fine cheese per hour, including well-regarded varieties like extra sharp cheddar, stilton, gouda, and a new flavor invented by Hackosaur, colby hack.
The Associated Press reports that Hacksaw hired Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on beer/dairy flavor cross-pollinated maximization, to craft a suitable cheese to be pared with this fall's Back Door Ale. When he found that current species of dairy cows were unable to produce the exact milk necessary to fully accent the flavor of BDS ale, Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on bovine genetic reproduction, synthesized a hybrid cow embryo using only his vast knowledge of zygote fertility and also guile.
Colby hack is available at Johnnie Foodmaster stores across the United States for $90,000/ounce, and potential customers must first send their headshots to Hacksaw in order to be approved for purchase, so that no uggos are eating the cheese.
In other BDS news, team captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon joined the effervescent Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons and team weak link Dynamite Chris Parish aboard the team's aerial training facility, Yo Hacka Hacka, to practice lifting their 2001 TNT Fall Season championship trophies.
"We haven't lifted a trophy since April, since we had the four month summer practice league, and I wanted to make sure we start building up our endurance to carry the hardware," said Shot Boy. "I don't want us trying to lift trophies in December and acting as if we weren't prepared to win the championship and lift the trophies. It's part of my job to keep the team prepared."
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