HAYO, Cuba - Back Door Santa ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris held a press conference today to announce that his niece, the adorably-named Dynagirl, had finished her first week of training by bowling a 297 game.
"She was born Friday, so I was hoping that at this point she'd be a little further along in her training," said Hacksaw. "Reports coming from Hackosaur aboard Yo Hacka Hacka indicate that the 19 hour daily sessions are broken up by about 10-12 diaper changes, which hurts the flow of the lessons. That said, I'm fairly pleased that she's starting to put together passable games."
Sources said that Hackosaur, the world's foremost expert on pin physics and infant care, has the youngster reading pin splits at an 11th grade level. Every time she gets a strike, he rewards her with a quick trip to the diamond district aboard Yo Hacka Hacka.
In other BDS news, team weak link Dynamite Chris Parish took his second week of sabbatical in order to gear up for the TNT stretch run. He's following an ancient Taoist training regimen wherein the human body is trained to only sleep two hours at a time, or even less if someone in the room is being fussy.
BDS captain my captain Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon and team heartthrob Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons are also on Back Door Santa, and commented that "this week's news seem rushed" but allowed that "we're just happy there's a news story this week at all, and we're glad the news outlets made the time because it would be bad luck if there were no news story, holy shit she's crying again we just fed her. I've got an idea, why don't I change your diaper and then you can immediately crap in the new one while you're smiling at me cuz now I'm your bitch."
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