Santa Monica, CA -
Team members of Back Door Santa are preparing for tonight's match after their successful fact-finding mission last night in Hollywood. Specifically, the facts are that they brighten a room with their whimsy and good looks.
According to multiple sources, team member Dynamite Chris Parish was playing a rock show at famed rock venue Room 5. Because being a champion is also about team support, fellow BDS members Hacksaw John Serris, Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon, and Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons showed up to help deflect attention away from the abundant media so Dynamite could focus on rocking. Near the end of the show, Dynamite was struggling to find the energy to finish the set on account of pouring his all into the performance, as he has during every activity ever.
Noticing his teammate in need, Shot Boy summoned the squad up to the front of the stage for their famous "1 2 3 BACK DOOR" chant; the show was delayed ten minutes while the women in attendance completed their masturbation.
According to witnesses, there was a tense moment near the end of the night when NBC's Brian Williams attempted to interview Hacksaw regarding rumors that he had purchased a new bowling ball. Unpublished reports state that this new ball is so terrifying and powerful that it must be stored in kerosene because it will explode when exposed to oxygen. After calmly deflecting Williams' interrogations, Hacksaw screamed "THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER, BRIAN. NO - IT'S OVER" as Williams crumpled into a ball of fear and admiration.
Powderkeg also refused to comment on reports that TV's George Clooney had legally changed his name to "A Less Attractive Nick Lyons," saying that while "it was a long time coming", Back Door Santa "doesn't comment on tabloid speculation."
ESPN's John Clayton filed a pre-game report saying that the team listed Dynamite as "probable" for tonight's match, citing a sore throat so intense that he was trying to remember if he had eaten shards of glass last night.
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