End of TNT?

Santa Monica, CA -

TNT President Rue "El Presidente" Meade, already dealing with numerous accusations of rampant fraud and corruption in his regime, is now dealing with contraction of teams that threatens to bring an end to the entire league.

Early this morning, El Presidente received notice that team NTWBI was quitting the league, effective immediately. Sources say that the papers were filed immediately after they watched the game tapes from last week's matchups, specifically the matchup in which Back Door Santa unleashed a convoy of excellence and annihilated their competition.

"BDS had won their first two games easily," reported ESPN's John Clayton. "But after three frames in the third game, they were in trouble. However, like they've done to numerous opponents on numerous occasions, they flipped a switch and went into BackDoor Mode (which can also be accessed by pressing up up down down left right left right select start) and took all four points. Let this be a lesson to you kids: Kids never learn."

NTWBI member and Los Angeles Clippers employee Madelyn Burke-Lyons was so flustered after watching the convoy on video that she accidentally traded point guard Baron Davis to Cleveland for Mo Williams and a bag of hammers. By the time she stopped gazing at her framed photograph of BDS rookie Powderkeg and realized her mistake, the trade deadline was over and it was too late.

"I can't continue to fulfill my duties as both a Clippers employee and a middle-of-the-road member of NTWBI - not when the first place trophies have already been engraved with a B and a D to save time," said Burke-Lyons in a prepared statement. "I emplore El Presidente to do what's right in this situation, and make Back Door Santa bowl blindfolded with their left hands. I for one know that they're good with their hands but my God they are dreamy. What do you think of this dress? I was going to wear it to the lanes tonight. Is it too obvious?"

The Los Angeles Times traveled to El Presidente's compound in Tijuana to ask him a few questions, but he angrily closed the door to his embezzlement room and refused to come out, only stating that "I've got a lot of scores to rig" and "why did my former team member Dave quit the league but still shows up every week as a sub."

In other Back Door Santa news, CNN was finally able to tape its long-awaited interview with BDS ringer John "Hacksaw" Serris, excerpts of which were obtained by The Huffington Post (reprinted with permission):

CNN: Hacksaw, I don't use the word "hero" lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.

HJS: Thanks Anderson

CNN: NBC's Brian Williams claims that you're a "handsome bully" and "America's best secret weapon"

HJS: This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against "The Never-Ending Story." Williams has had it out for me ever since I refused to talk about my new bowling ball.

CNN: You're the poster boy for Back Door Santa. Do you feel that's fair?

HJS: Listen, my good looks paid for that bowling alley, and my talent filled it with bowling pins.

CNN: You were one of the first to speak out against horseplay

HJS: There's a zero percent chance this interview makes any sense unless you watch The Simpsons.

CNN: Tell us about the team captain, Clint "Shot Boy" Tabon

HJS: Shot Boy is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

CNN: Thanks for your time Hacksaw

HJS: HAYOOOOOOOOOOOOO