Hacksaw Sued

2/10/11

Santa Monica, CA -

The California Bowling Pin Makers of American #69 announced today they are seeking $40 million
dollars from John "Hacksaw" Serris in a lawsuit filed this morning.

"Mr. Serris' complete and utter disregard for the health of our union workers has gone on long enough
this season," said union spokesman Dee Snuts. "Every game he bowls for Back Door Santa results in
countless hours of overtime needed from our workers to replace the pins he destroys. Normally we
provide Bayshore Lanes with 100 to 200 replacements pins a season; Hacksaw is on pace to annihilate
that many pins per week."

Sources told ESPN that while a typical bowling pin can handle ten weeks of punishment from a 16 pound
ball thrown at upwards of 30 miles per hour; Hacksaw's throws are scientific anomaly based on their
record torque and accuracy.

"Bowling pin science has not yet caught up with the technology needed to withstand this sort of weekly
punishment," said ESPN's John Clayton. "In a normal bowling alley, pins are re-used after every frame.
In the case of Hacksaw, the broken shards of wood must be immediately taken to waste management
facility. Of course, before they are removed, they must first be hosed down with a fire extinguisher
because they are on fucking fire and shit, I mean that's how fucking awesome he is at bowling."

Hacksaw's Back Door Santa teammates Nick "Powderkeg" Lyons and Dynamite Chris Parish handsomely
traveled to the union offices today to implore union reps to drop the lawsuit. The female officials
immediately agreed to drop the lawsuit and also asked if the rugged bowlers had been working out a

lot lately, and were they free for dinner later, no big deal, oops my blouse is open. Unfortunately for
Backdoor Santa, the male union reps refused to drop the lawsuit, citing jealousy.

The Los Angeles Times reports that it's now up to team captain Shot Boy Tabon to request assistance
from El Presidente Rue Meade, however sources indicate that he's on a fact-finding mission up in a tree
outside Parish's Hermosa Estate, spying on Mrs. Dynamite Amy Sinko and pretending that girls find him
attractive.